Session 20: About Voon's Goons...

Since the Bros have now done a one-way Plane Shift to the afterlife, let's check in with Voon's goons to see how they're doing. When we last left them in Session 17, Voon had enough of Bloody Brogallo's reckless battles and decided to put some serious distance between himself and the Bros. We headed west and continued for several months, ultimately settling in the western city of Averdivock. 

Voon as a L9 fighter is thinking that it would be nice to take over a castle for his own and start carving out his own little empire. Extorting peasants and merchants for "military protection" is far more appealing that watching your comrades getting eaten by hydras, after all and Averdivock is well known for having all the creature comforts any respectable gentleman could want. He sends the Hench-bros out on recon while he starts making a list of the more interesting brothels in the city...and the richer caravan routes.

A week later, the Hench-bros return with a map of the environs, including a well maintained nearby castle occupied by a large group of bandits. Voon decides to try to convince the bandits to join him on a caravan raid and then turn on them after they've been weakened by the irritating caravan mercenary guards.

Voon's Goons make a slow and obvious march towards the bandit keep and approach under a flag of parley. The bandit leader, naturally suspicious but impressed by the balls on this "batshit crazy" fighter, agrees to the parley and hears what Voon has to say. 

Voon informs the bandits about the large caravan that is on the way to the city and that it's too heavily protected for him to plunder on his own. He knows a location where their combined forces could hit the caravan out of view of the Averdivock authorities and easily take the plunder to the nearby city of Ashtel for easy liquidation. A reaction roll of 72%/15% means that the bandit leader is suspicious but goes along with the plan as his greed wins over his black heart.

The combined group surprises the caravan and quickly dispatches the guards and takes the merchants captive. Voon executes his planned betrayal...and it does not go well.

Voon's mercenaries are wiped out to a man. His henchmen all fail morale and surrender to the bandit lord. A rare natural 100 on the reaction roll means the Primo Bandito decides he likes the way they fought and accepts them into the band. As for Voon? Well...as a famous man once said "I'll keep the money and you can have the rope."

Thus ends the saga of Voon de Goon.

Session 19: The Quick and the Dead

 

It's been a while since we've journeyed with the Bros and they're in pretty dire financial straits. Since I'm doing a BrOSR solo campaign, I'm using 1:1 time and that means the clock has been running during my unanticipated prolonged absence. I set up a spreadsheet some time ago to track expenses and update as the calendar ticked by so I didn't have to worry about tracking minutiae during downtime or extended breaks and the results are in!

As a refresher, Blastikus started rehabbing and expanding the Obsidian Tower to make it a base of operations for his future endeavors. This required an outlay of 207,909gp to rebuild and refortify the Citadel as well as to recruit sufficient mercenaries to man it against the numerous enemies the Bros have acquired over the past few years.

My real world hiatus has meant I haven't been able to send out the Bros since last summer and I was hilariously surprised when I looked at the spreadsheet and saw old Blastikus was 30,810gp in the hole due to the classic accounting challenge of "expenses > income". Time to hit the road for loot if we ever expect Blasty to level up again!

I roll on the Rumor Table and come up with The City of zul Korizik. This is pretty cool since Blastikus had previously sent the Hench-orcs to scout it, so I randomly generate the dungeon and we're off to the races.

The journey to the city is uneventful and the Bros leave the Brocenaries on the surface while they make their way below. The first few rooms are empty, but the Bros quickly stumble upon a rival adventuring party of 9 characters and fall upon them in a greed fueled bloodlust.

They win surprise and the first round of melee, quickly dispatching 4 mook henchmen and injuring two of the leaders. The remaining NPCs put up another round of resistance before horribly failing a morale check and surrendering in the hopes of ransoming themselves.

Some skillful interrogation by the Bros causes the L7 druid and L11 Magic-user to reveal that they were investigating new reports of Chaos infestation seeping upwards from the lower levels. The Bros decide to investigate further and leave the captives in the hands of the Brocenaries while they resume the delve. They proceed downwards to level 2 where they encounter a pack of giant scorpions, resulting in the death of Krall due to the poison stingers of the beasts. The Bros collectively shrug their shoulders and press on where they run into a pair of Stone Giant scouts who confirm the druid's story and let the party know that the western part of the dungeon level seems to be a strong source of the Chaos emanations that their own shaman have detected.

Parting on relatively good terms from the giants, the party makes their way westwards and ultimately meet group of 7 Blue Slaad. This ill-fated encounter ends with the complete elimination of the Bros...in 3 rounds of combat. 

Damn.

21 months of blood, sweat, and tears in the pursuit of glory, empire and fame brought crashing down in the depths of an ancient corrupted city...in under 3 minutes. New chapters have been written in the Book of the Dead

This is why AD&D fucking rules.

There's no delusional power fantasies of insecure mentally ill societal rejects pondering over "well what would my character do?" fucking garbage. Just raw, unfiltered brutality reminding you that there is no "story" to your character, just the hard reality of bad luck and poor choices cruelly teaching you the consequences of your actions. 

Go ahead and cry your eyes out, you fucking weakling. Crom hears you and cares not. Cthulhu can't tell you apart from the bacteria that cover your meatbag skin suit. Your mewling protestations of "that's not fair!" are worth less than a flea's fart in the wind to the Knight of Swords.

Weep quietly, you loser. Step aside for the next delusional wannabe hero that thinks HIS story will be different and superior to YOUR story. Until, of course, he meets his end in the dark, covered in his own excrement as the rats feast on his still beating heart.

I am going to kinda miss Blastikus, though...

I'm Not Dead Yet!

Still alive, still angry...just got very busy with work over the summer. Postings will be slow for a few more weeks but should resume around Labor Day. See ya soon!

Session 18: The Laboratory of Mijo-han the Mad

Blastikus embarks on his journey to Mijo-han the Mad's sanctum with the Hench-orcs and the Brocenary Lancers Third Cohort (17 light horsemen with an L7 captain and two L1 sergeants) in support. Their journey is uneventful and no wandering monsters are encountered. They find the ruined village without much difficulty and after some searching uncover the remains of Mijo-han's dwelling. As they prepare to enter the strange building, the ground begins to shake with great violence before a purple worm (73hp) erupts from below and attacks!

Surprise comes up 3-3 so we proceed to melee.

Round 1: Tied 1-1; all actions simultaneous

Captain Severus orders the Third Lancers to charge and they score a total of 5 hits for 46hp, seriously wounding the beast. Medium lances vs a large opponent on a charge are clearly a devastating attack, as history has so well recorded.

Blastikus hits the worm with his Wand of Frost for 20hp, but the worm makes it save and only takes 10hp.

The hench-orcs make a decent account of themselves as Johnny Smash scores a critical hit for 16hp and Denzel Ramondo hits the worm for another 10hp, killing it.

Since initiative was tied, the worm still makes its attacks before going to Wormhalla. He chomps Johnny Smash for 16hp, neatly bisectig him in its death throes and hits Blastikus with his tail stinger for 6hp. Blastikus, fortunately, makes his save vs poison, rolling a 14 against his target of 13. It is better to be lucky than good, as the saying goes.

Blastikus, still woozy as he metabolizes the worm venom, leads the remaining hench-orcs into the ruined sanctum. After a thorough search, they uncover a hoard of 2,350gp and gems and jewelry worth another 31,296gp. They also discover a  Cloak of Displacement (which Blastikus claims for himself) and a Potion of Heroism that goes to Joey Slash. Further exploration yields a hidden room containing the most valuable part of the hoard: the library containing the life's work of the infamous mage. Blastikus quickly orders the hench-orcs and Brocenaries to load up every last scrap of paper. They make camp overnight and leave in the morning for an uneventful return journey to the Obsidian Tower.

The Blastikus and the hench-orcs all make enough XP to level-up and will be out of play until 6 June 2025. 

Session 17 Downtime: Voon de Goon is de Gone!

Let's see what the Bros do during their downtime.

Blastikus

• Since Blastikus has started expanding the fortifications of the Obsidian Tower, let's see how the settlement of Blastum is developing. Blastikus has paid double to expedite the fortifications, so we have a substantial workforce on site. A village/town would be between 600 and 6500 individuals so let's make it easy and do a 6d12x100 roll. We get 46 which means our settlement is now the town of Blastum with 4600 souls drawn from the surrounding areas in search of pay and maybe an escape from being dirt farming hydra chow. 
• Recognizing the immediate benefits of having a ready pool of experimentation subjects and/or meatshields, he grants all laborers the rights to settle in Blastum after the castle fortifications are finished. He promises his protection in exchange for their future militia service, and the offer seems to be popular (73% reaction roll). Blastikus wants this construction to be completed as quickly as possible and helps out with his summoned elementals whenever possible.
• Our mage dips into the the equipment of the various fallen mooks and outfits his newest minion, Joey Slash, with appropriate armor and stabby things (see Session 17). He now has a crew of 3 half-orc and one human fighters at his bidding and as his bodyguard. They've been behaving so far, but he always keeps his options open with having Charm Person ready to go if they start getting too fidgety.
• He keeps Methikles cooking up Potions of Extra-Healing, knowing that they're handy for keeping meatshields vertical as well as possible future trade goods.
• Blastikus is starting to nervous about the expenses of the fortifications and decides it's about time he takes the hench-bros to the ruined village in Hex 306.297 to salvage what he can from the Laboratory of Mijo-han the Mad. Voon and Dejing will be otherwise occupied for a few more weeks, so now's as good a time as any. We'll run a session for them next time and see what they find.

Brogallo

• Bloody Brogallo is still distrustful of the mage and his motives in fortifying the citadel and needs to decide if it's time to strike off on his own. 
  Reaction roll to see if he decides to put some distance between him and Blastikus: 76% (Friendly; times are pretty good so he stays)

Dejing pan Ark

• Even though she's in training until 5 June 2025, Dejing continues to contemplate her immediate and long term future and needs to decide if it's time to make a move of her own. 
  Reaction roll to see if she forms a guild: 66% (Uncertain but 55% prone to positive; a follow-up roll of 95% means she decides to stick around for the action. There's always time to worry about this later...)

Kleptikos

• Kleptikos, suspicious of both Blastikus' building projects and Dejing pan Ark's unusually pensive moods of late, contemplates striking off on his own. 
  Reaction roll to see if he forms a guild: 33% (Uncertain but 55% prone to negative; a follow-up roll of 17% means he decides the time isn't quite right)

Krall 

• He's still researching poisons until 29 May 2025 and completely absorbed in the process.

Voon deGoon

• Although in training until 5 June 2025, Voon is contemplating his future in lights of Bloody Brogallo's penchant for ultraviolence and Blastikus' strange obsession with the ancient citadel. He needs to decide if it's time to leave. Reaction roll to see if he decides to put some distance between him and Brogallo: 16% (Hostile, immediate action)
• Voon finally decides that life with Bloody Brogallo is getting a little too dangerous and he's better off on as a solo artist. He's going to hire his own mercenary force and see if he can take over an existing fortress for his own and start making peasants pay him, like Blastikus is trying to do. All too conscious of Blastikus' growing power, he decides to head as far west as he can go. We'll see what happens to him in the future.

Next session: Blastikus and his Hench-bros plunder the Lost Laboratory of Mijo-han the Mad!

Session 17: The Bros and the Lost City of dul Qazik

Rolling on the rumor table, we get a 4 so Brogallo decides he's going to visit the distant Lost City of dul Qazik to search for the treasure shown in the map that he recovered from the Oni. The Lost City is about 200 miles south, so using the movement rate shown on pg 102 of the PHB, the light horse can move at a rate of 24" which translates to 24 miles per day. I'm using 30 mile hexes on my world map, which means their movement rate works out to roughly 9 days of travel each way. Since this is a solo game, I don't really feel like breaking it down to 6 mile hexes etc, and I'll be checking once per hex for random encounters. Likewise, I'm going to assume the intervening area is sparsely populated and won't generate terrain/features like I do with the main maps.

Krall is researching poisons and out of play until 29 May 2025. The Bros will take the Brocenary Lancers Second and Third Cohorts while leaving the infantry troops to defend the Obsidian Tower. They bring the draft horses along as beasts of burden and set out for the distant city.

Some quick rolls on the relevant DMG Appendix B tables, gives us a ruined city nestled in the mountains. I make 6 rolls to see who's guarding the treasure and build the following table:

1. Stone Giant
2. Ogre
3. Ogre Magi (again!)
4. Orc
5. Ice Troll
6. Xorn

A d6 comes up with a 2, indicating that the Ogres have a lair in the ruined city. I decide that they've taken over the ruins of a former gatehouse, completely unaware of the tomb beneath their feet which contains the treasure that Brogallo seeks. The remaining monsters have their own lairs within the sprawling city and are potential factions that can be bargained with or destroyed, as the dice gods decide.

Their swift journey south is fortuitously uneventful and the Bros do not encounter any wandering wonsters. I roll a d8 to see how many hours it takes them to discover the location marked on the map, getting a 6. This means 36 wandering monster checks which also all come up empty - the Bros' luck holds!
They identify their target and Brogallo tells the Brocenaries to secure a wide perimeter and to keep quiet. The Bros make their way to the gatehouse, quietly enter and surprise a group of 15 ogres with 7 mates, 2 young and 5 ragged prisoners kept in a pen in anticipation of being the featured dish in tonight's ogre feastday.

The Bros definitively win surprise 6-1 and wipe out the ogre males, thanks to the fighters' 3/2 attacks and Blastikus' Wand of Frost. They proceed to melee where it takes them another 5 rounds to eliminate the ogress mates and their vile younglings. The prisoners consist of 2 local peasants, a caveman from the surrounding mountains, an unfortunate brigand that was sold to the ogres by his compatriots, and a half-orc exiled from the orc tribe who also lives elsewhere in the city. 

Blastikus, having grown fond of his half-orc muscle, offers the half-orc employment as a henchman and a 78% reaction shows that he accepts. The peasants return to their village and the brigand joins them, having formed a friendship with the pair while captured. The caveman hoots, grunts, waves his arms around excitedly and flees into the mountains, hopefully finding his way back to his cavepeople.

The Bros continue their explorations of the gatehouse and find the entrance to the underground storeroom containing the treasure they've been seeking, as well as some loot that the ogres had in their lair. All in all, a decent haul...

The Bros begin their journey home. They have 2 wandering monster encounters: a herd of wooly mammoths with a 48% encounter reaction (neutral/uninterested, so I rule they just glance at the tiny humans before continuing on their way) and a dwarven warband of 250 individuals who roll a 55% (neutral/uninterested so I rule they're on a mission of their own and don't feel threatened by an inferior band of loser humans that have the poor taste to associate with half-orcs).

The total trip time is 18 days (9 days each way) so the boys are on the bench until 23 May 2025.

Session 16: Hench-bros and the Living City of Chaos

Blastikus' Hench-bros decide to follow the southeastern road and to survey the surrounding area in the process. Acting under Blastikus' authority, they recruit laborers from the nearly named town of Blastum as well as the Brocenary Lancers Third Cohort to act as guards. 

They stop along the way at the town of Urliva for refreshment before continuing to the metropolis of Xylard where they gain some information about the surrounding areas and update their maps accordingly. They press onwards to the cities Noinzance-sors and Tasigh, likewise expanding their knowledge. They stop at Tasigh for the night and prepare for the push to the south. 

They've been lucky on their journey thus far and do not encounter any wandering critters on the road. This bit of good luck raises their spirits substantially as they set off the next day. Their good fortune lasts until they reach the ruined city on the treasure map.

The city is vast. Much of it covered in a thick layer of ash as if a great multitude were cremated and their remains used to blot this city from existence. As the party moves further into the ruins, they notice the strangely organic nature of the remnants. There are no right angles to be seen anywhere, all edges being rounded as if they were extruded from the thorax of gigantic insects rather than constructed by the hand of man. There are numerous strange globular buildings unlike anything the bros have ever seen before. More strangely, all structures are covered with obscene runes reminiscent of those at the Obsidian Tower. Every surface is inconceivably, as can be seen by the windblown surfaces and the now illegible runes sanded smooth by the winds of time. Jack Stabby silently curses his greed for bringing him here, but, in a rare bout of brilliance for a half-orc, wisely elects to remain silent about his feelings. 

As the hench-bros search the strange ruins for the hoard, they stumble upon an eight member wolfpack that has been stalking the crumbling remnants of this odd place in search of a meal. The immediate thrill of battle silences their inner misgivings!

Since we've got a 2 on 1 combat for each hench-bro, I'll roll a 50/50 chance for which wolf gets hit until we're back to 1 on 1

Hench-bros win surprise 4-1
Jack Stabby - hit wolf1 for 5
Johnny Smash - 1 hit; 1 crit on wolf3 for 17, killing it
Denzel Ramondo - miss
Dexiu - 1 hit for 4

Round1: Hench-bros win 6-5
Jack Stabby - hit wolf for 7
Johnny Smash - miss
Denzel Ramondo - miss
Dexiu - 1 hit for 6
wolf1 -> Jack Stabby: miss
wolf2 -> Jack Stabby: miss
wolf3: DEAD
wolf4 -> Johnny Smash: hit for 3
wolf5 -> Denzel Ramondo: miss
wolf6 -> Denzel Ramondo: miss
wolf7 -> Dexiu: miss
wolf8 -> Dexiu: miss

Round2: Tied 5-5; all actions simultaneous
Jack Stabby - crit wolf2 for 14, killing it
Johnny Smash - miss
Denzel Ramondo - miss
Dexiu - miss
wolf1 -> Jack Stabby: miss
wolf2 -> Jack Stabby: miss; DEAD
wolf3: DEAD
wolf4 -> Johnny Smash: miss
wolf5 -> Denzel Ramondo: miss
wolf6 -> Denzel Ramondo: miss
wolf7 -> Dexiu: hit
wolf8 -> Dexiu: hit for 8 killing her

Round3: Hench-bros win 2-1
Jack Stabby - hit wolf1 for 7; killing it
Johnny Smash - miss
Denzel Ramondo - miss
Dexiu: DEAD
wolf1 -> DEAD
wolf2 -> DEAD
wolf3: DEAD
wolf4 -> Johnny Smash: hit for 3
wolf5 -> Denzel Ramondo: miss
wolf6 -> Denzel Ramondo: miss
wolf7 -> Dexiu: miss
wolf8 -> Dexiu: miss

Round4: Tied 3-3; all actions simultaneous
Jack Stabby - hit wolf8 for 7hp
Johnny Smash - miss
Denzel Ramondo - miss
Dexiu - DEAD
wolf1 -> DEAD
wolf2 -> DEAD
wolf3 -> DEAD
wolf8 -> Jack Stabby: miss
wolf4 -> Johnny Smash: crit for 6
wolf7 -> Johnny Smash: miss
wolf5 -> Denzel Ramondo: miss
wolf6 -> Denzel Ramondo: miss

Round5: Tied 4-4; all actions simultaneous
Jack Stabby - miss
Johnny Smash - hit wolf7 for 7 killing it
Denzel Ramondo - miss
Dexiu - DEAD

wolf1 -> DEAD
wolf2 -> DEAD
wolf3 -> DEAD
wolf8 -> Jack Stabby: miss
wolf4 -> Johnny Smash: miss
wolf7 -> DEAD; Johnny Smash: miss
wolf5 -> Denzel Ramondo: miss
wolf6 -> Denzel Ramondo: miss

Wolves fail morale check (16%) and flee

Yet another Bro goes into the Dead Book, but such is the adventurer's life...

The group continues its explorations and finally finds the place they believe to be the one on the map. It appears to be the remains of some sort of chalet or manor house, matching the map's description. They put the laborers to work digging out the mansion (and burying Dexiu in the process). It doesn't take long for them to uncover a still intact trapdoor to an underground storage room where they find the promised treasure: a +1 longsword, a +1 military pick, and a suit of +1 leather armor. Random rolls give the sword to Jack Stabby, the pick to Johnny Smash and the armor to Denzel Ramondo (who elects to sell it to Dejing pan Ark upon return since he already has banded mail and shield.

The bros back up and head back the way they came. They again luck out and don't have any encounters on the road so they safely return to the Obsidian Citadel with updated maps, some spiffy new gear and yet more knowledge about the ancient ruins that surround Blastikus' current abode.